Will you help me please?

I had been harboring this for the past 9 years. I felt like I was in prison for the pain that I personally brought to myself. I wanted to end all of this. Tremendous effort has been made in the past but I never fully make it to be healed. I didn’t fully let go of you. Trying to deny it and to sweep it under the rug didn’t help at all. It’s like I put a band aide in my wound but didn’t do anything to heal it- the pain remains deep inside my heart and Im still holding on it until this very day. But should I waste another decade for holding on to something who was not even holding me back in anyway? I really want to say goodbye. Maybe and I hope by this time I will finally succeed in seeking my freedom.

Dear Nathan,

From the time you caught my eyes back in my college days, you took my full attention without you knowing it. My heart bleeds a hundred of times without you knowing it. My eyes welled up in tears a thousand of times without you knowing. You didn’t know anything because I didn’t asked you to do it nor had there be any chance you asked me for it. If I only knew that you would have a great impact in my life, I would never make it a big deal when you drop to me to ask about something on our accounting subject. I would never make it a big deal when you sit beside me during our first year as we chat about some things during our teacher’s day. And I would never ever make it a big deal when Paul asked me if there is something going between us. How I wished I never would have start a fantasy since then when I was again asked by Aimee who among the guys that I knew that I had some affection into. Honestly, I really have none in mind to point out to but because I found you nice among those guys that I knew in college I was pushed to just blurt out your name for nothing. That nothing finally turned into big thing that I was never been aware of that it will take 9 years to hold this feeling.

When finally you became my official classmate in second year and we sat beside each other, I guess my feeling for you started to grow. It started when I invited you and the rest of our friends at home so I could cook for all of you. Then I thought that the best way to a man’s heart is to feed his stomach. You practically love the meal I guess. And it followed by another and then another. The first time you celebrated your birthday, I went to the mall to buy some card where we could all write a simple message. A little gift for you I guess. I dunno if I sounded obvious since then as I remember stares from our friends. But I dunno if you happen to keep that card till now. I guess it was lost somewhere else and typhoon Ondoy could even have destroyed it by then.

But the illusions stop when the second semester of our second year opened up. I was trying to decipher if you had a thing but I couldn’t then a shocking thing happened. You had a different seatmate by this time. And I saw exchanges of smiles and laughter from afar. I envied that. I envied that girl when I overheard you chat with each other promising you will texting each other at night. I knew your voice and was even more shocked when I turned your way- “it was you.” I envied that lovely lady. Hoping if I would have a lighter complexion like her you would like me. But you can’t and you didn’t. I remember, that was when the first teardrop fall. I remember how and I can still feel it today. That while I was writing this, I’m traveling back to the past and I felt until today of how it pains me a lot.

The next painful event was when Valentine’s Day came, without me investigating and asking the other members of that group I knew you are courting her. Then the two of you appeared late. One of you came ahead but the message is pretty clear. How I wished I could be on that girl’s shoes. I tried to avoid you but all the more you avoid me and you never noticed me at all. Your world circulated with the lovely girl just as my world circulated with yours.

The summer break began and I hope it will help me to forget about the painful thing for that semester. But I guess, I didn’t. The next school year finally began. We are still classmates but the girl joined a different block by this time. I heard you ended courting this girl. Deep inside, it gave me a good feeling and I didn’t want to dig out the reason why the courtship didn’t turn out well. But our friends and classmates made their own way to find out and as they mustered about the reasons, I found out that you gave up. There was some other guy trying to get her attention and you might have your own personal reasons to give up the fight. I just let it work that way. I let you heal your own wounds. I didn’t come closer as I am afraid people might say things against me if I do. I just kept on watching you from afar. Then one day, my hope finally awaken of the thought maybe you have forgotten about her. And just the same old friend I lend you a hand every time you needed one. Then again, I cooked for you and the group. When you asked me for a thing, I show up immediately. When you needed someone to talk to, I opened my heart and ears to listen to each of your stories but you buried my own stories on the same day I shared it to you. Because the next day or next week you no longer remember anything of what I shared with you. But I’m still there hanging on and hoping maybe one day.

Then one day I received a text message from you, I’m too sleepy but still I wake myself up because you are borrowing my laptop. Then, I willingly told you I can bring it over to your dorm. Then you requested to me help you write a letter so I finished writing it up for you. Then you asked me to leave my laptop with you so you could watch a movie later, then again I was persuaded. But when it finally gets dim outside and I needed to go home as well, you told me you can no longer walk with me back at home because you are busy catching up for the exams. I was hurt when I heard you said that. I didn’t ask you some more and I went back at home- alone. I saw you coming to our dorm after an hour because I already finished cooking the meal that you always wanted. You said thanks but I no longer said a word. You enjoyed the meal because you called me up again.

It could be a wakeup call that I mean nothing to you. That you will never learn to love me too. They tell me forget about you. That I deserve someone else and it will never be you. I was starting to move on. But then again, you showed up to our dorm. I never thought that you will come visit me there. But you didn’t visit me for any other reason. You visited simply because you needed my help. You need me to write another letter for you again. I said with a different tone this time, you are big enough to write a letter. You can do it on your own. But you insisted and you didn’t left without you achieving the purpose of your visit. Then you came back again, I can no longer remember the reason why you went. But as far as I know, you needed my help. Then you didn’t show up again because by this time, you don’t need my assistance.

We finished our degree together, we took our oath together. But you are hanging with different group of friends and we seldom spent time with each other. I understand that, it has been the same old thing way back then. From the time that I am developing this feeling towards you, the way I communicate with you also affected. When you wanted me to be your thesis partner, I was happy to hear about that before. You wanted me to your thesis partner but never as a lifetime partner. But fate conveys its own message because we both ended up in a different group. But I appreciate the fact that you were there every time I needed to be rushed in the hospital. When I collapsed when we were in the review school, you were one of those who carry me down the stairs and you were the one who called up my father to inform me of my condition. Forget about the reason why you did that. It could be that you don’t have any choice or you are also concern in any way. But still, I’m thankful that you did.

You wanted us to look for a job together, but I didn’t agree with you. I want us to finally separate our ways. Because I knew it will never helped me move on. I’m starting to take my own leap and I believed it will help me if I did. Then we ended up working in two different companies located on adjacent roads. You are working on the east while I worked on the west. We are parting our ways, so our business location. Fate conveyed its message once again.

One day, you are not showing up in our gathering. We spent our dinner gathering without hearing anything from you. Then a shocking reason came up one day, you are now in a relationship. I stared on that news feed then I just noticed a tear to fall once again. I guess, this could now be another chance to fully move on. To quit expecting and to quit on waiting. It took almost two years since you were together. And you didn’t show up in our gathering. We heard nothing about you. And im pissed off at times because the group wanted to celebrate for you and the girl. And still I was there though I’m bleeding inside and I still chose to appear, but we didn’t hear anything from you. Not even a courtesy to tell us ahead of time. I guess we need to accept the fact that this is how things work for you. Then one day, I accidentally met you and your girlfriend in Glorietta. I was surprised to see the two of you walking when I immediately spotted you. We chatted with each other like a nice friend that I used. I didn’t show up any grudges and even throw you some jokes. My little sister was watching me from afar. I was trying to maintain my posture- everything. I tried assessing myself if I still sense anger and pain, I was happy for you and I thought I finally moved on. My sister said that I already did.

But a month ago, I saw a post from the girl that you already meet up with her friends and one of our friends wanted to meet her by this time. I guess our friends wanted to meet her up too. And then the gathering finally pushed through. We see each other in SM Megamall July 17, 2015. When I started reading through the conversation, I sense again the same feeling and it leaves me bleeding in the middle of the night. And now that the gathering finally pushed through, I knew I needed to gather all the courage that I mustered through the years. I need to be strong, I can’t tell you guys that I can’t go for I wouldn’t want to give you an inkling thought of what I really feel. Then the day finally arrived, I saw you and your girl. It’s been a while, but the feeling remains the same. Because when I found out that you are planning to propose for her soon and how you did your own courtship move, I laugh with you and with the rest of the group. I appealed fine and strong. I appealed the same nice friend. I didn’t show any tantrum. I talk well with the two of you while a burst of laughter was heard in the midst of our conversation. I treated you and your girl well without any sign of grudge. Because I was never been one. I was never been bad to you and to the girls you loved. Because I still behave as a descent woman like how I was raised through the years. You may or may never have an inkling thought of my feelings toward you. You may or may never cared the way I expect you to be. But I guess the fate just conveyed enough messages. And now that you wanted to finally want to settle to the girl that you love, I wanted to ask for my freedom. Because you may or may not be aware of it, you are a big part of my past. And I cannot move forward and embrace my future if something ties me to you. I no longer want to ask why didn’t feel the same way. Because I guess, you are still courteous enough not to ask me for it. You didn’t make your own moved not because you are afraid to take a step but because you only see me as a friend. When somebody asked you that question in our of our dinner gathering, you conveyed that you want to maintain the friendship. You may have indirectly answered me. Honestly, I didn’t know that I still hang on you since that dinner. But today, I wanted to have my complete freedom. And I knew I can never have that if I can’t even be honest with myself. The reason why I write you this letter could help me to finally cut off the string. I may not be able to give this letter with you. But at least, I believed that this will helped in achieving my simple step to fully let go of you. And you know what, when that day finally come. I would like to hug you and say thank you. Thank you for that pains that I experienced through because you let me set a standard to wait for the right man that will offer me that kind of love that I truly deserve. Thank you for it allowed me to practice how to be good even if you’re hurting. And thank you for you allowed me to learn a lesson I wouldn’t want to face again. Because the lessons you taught me today, helped me a lot to become a better person. And when that day finally comes, I will smile back at you and say my sweet thank you.

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My Dreams

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This is just one of those days….

Lord, why do you always cause me to wait?
Even if you know it is one of the most thing that I hate,
Why does the clock tick so slow?
For the things that I want now and not for tomorrow.

I had been waiting and counting for years
Where I brought up my desires & sow them all in tears,
For countless of times I wanna quit wishing and dreaming
And at times praying was now as hard as smiling.

Today I just considered the possibility
Of not becoming a wife and a mommy,
This really sounds a sad story for me
Of not having my hopes & dreams to come into reality.

But let me step backward of what I wished before
Just a sweet replay of my dreams once more.

I have dreamed of tying my husband’s tie
While giving him a kiss as we bade goodbye,
Preparing also his meal for lunch & dinner
While giving him too a hot coffee while he is reading the newspaper.

I have dreamed of taking care of my children
While carrying them in my sweet loving hand,
I had also dreamed of feeding them in my breast
While singing them a song as I lay them in bed.

I have read a couple of books in raising up a child
I have read so much for I know it will be my guide,
As I would be my kid’s mother and first teacher
Things should already be in place & should be set in order.

This is how I painted my tomorrow
This is how I set my ducks in a row,
But the dream seemed to be far off
Feels like the doors are forever closed.

I have quit dreaming of my wedding dress
I have quit dreaming of my wedding itself,
And if in case these dreams are still made to happen
“Lord, please tap my back and let me be amazed on how it was all written.”

Give Him now the pen

I was silently walking the streets one Thursday afternoon with thousands of thoughts lingering in my head. My emotions were too uptight since the onset of this week. I’m now thinking of surrendering of this “Big Thing” that I had been waiting for so long. One Author quoted for it as “Big thing” for a certain remarkable thing that anyone has been waiting and hoping to see.

I have my own big thing and I knew you also have yours. Maybe you can relate to me when I said that I could possibly do everything it takes just to have it. Praying, fasting, waiting, declaring- all resorts have been done but nothing happens to change the situation. I still don’t have it and it leaves you in tears in the middle of the night asking “Why it was taking too long?”

The Author went on to say that the reason the Lord withhold him of the “Big Thing” was he is turning to an idolater for lusting after the thing he wanted so much. The good Lord has been so kind to him for resisting him of the very thing he wanted even if it would mean him getting a little hurt for now. But what is being traded for is developing the true and inner beauty as he was even caused to wait. I can fully relate as I read on the article. I try to look on myself and I found the same facts in my heart and could possibly found the answer to the big question for the big thing that I wanted. Since the revelation and visions were given to me by God for the future answer of this “Big Thing”, I got so thrilled that I wrote every single detail in my own notebook. I was expectant for an answer to surprise me one day. One revelation after another was vividly handed over me as days passes by. Confirmations came one after another building a stronger claim that yes its coming soon and I can’t wait to witness it right before my eyes. I was actively waiting and I am now lusting for it to happen. But just as the Author did say, I received an extreme silence as an answer and a “No” to my plea. Honestly I felt frustrated and miserable and I felt like the drum that was once so much filled with faith and expectation is now turning dry. And what makes the waiting more difficult is when I hear people telling me that I deserve to have it for being a good girl and a good daughter. The validation that I was receiving makes it more difficult to understand and the more frustrated I become.

I tried to evaluate things even more. And if I may have drifted too much, I wanted to be on the right track. I found myself to be getting ahead of God in writing out the details of my story. Being granted of the revelations and visions as I must say, it was like I was lining up the course of events that I wished to unfold in due time. I am no longer suggesting and I felt like I took up the pen into God’s hands to draw it on paper the way I wanted it to. Now that I am on the peak of my frustration, I realized that I was getting ahead of Him again. I asked Him before to walk with me each step of the way but in my excitement I didn’t noticed that I left my Jesus in the corner. God is so gentleman enough that He wanted me to say it out loud, “Jesus, sorry for getting ahead of you. Would you mind walking with me again? Also, I give you back the pen. Please write it the best way you think it will fit for me.” I honestly admit for my mistake and now I’m returning it back to the greatest Author of all time. I knew that He has His own little ways to bring it all into pass. I don’t need to struggle with it. Things will finally fall on my hands in due and perfect time without me doing anything to have it. One pastor even told me, you don’t have to struggle for it. And I guess I need to take on the advice that I once shared. Let Jesus hold on the pen for He is worth trusting of every single story we all dreamed to have. And yes, it’s officially surrendering the “Big Thing” to the “Biggest and Greatest Author” of all time. And when the time finally comes, I’ll be picking up my pen to write again. Not until Jesus entrusted me of the pen.

The Teacher

When she first entered the room, her thoughts and emotions are all mixing up as to whether she would be able to handle kids of different ages, different personalities and different behavior. An invitation was sent out to her to join the Children Education Ministry and she willingly accepted it and finally joined June of 2014. Kids of different ages greeted her on the front door. The other teachers do the same thing. Smiles on their faces appealed as a warm welcome to the newest teacher of this ministry. A boy smiled while holding his chocolait said, “Hi Teacher!” when he was introduced to her. The teacher asked for his name and he said, “Im Wacky.” Wacky became one of her students when she entered CEM. As months passes by, she met more students in the Sunday School and few of them left a story with the Teacher.

Her name is Heaven. She could be one of the naughtiest kids she met. Heaven would run around the Sunday School and she could barely spend at least 3 minutes on her chair. She spent the whole session trying to run for other Sunday Schooler’s without paying attention to the teacher. One time, the teacher got sick and she ended up with wound on her forehead. Heaven noticed it one Sunday and said, “Teacher ano yan?” she sounded “bulol” when she asked. The teacher tried to stop her thinking she might scratch it, but Heaven did something more. She comes closer and the teacher was shocked on the next event. Heaven kissed the teacher’s forehead.

Few more Sunday’s had passed and she met Enchong. Enchong is quite the opposite of Heaven. This boy would silently sit on his chair and attentively respond to whatever the teacher is saying. He is a neat and intelligent boy. One time when the teacher put on a smiley sticker on their shirt as their reward, the boy made a gentle reminder when he said, “Teacher, baka mamantsyahan.” The teacher stared and smiled back to the boy. And in one of their Easter activity, the teacher let the students to make a cross out of popsicles. Before they end the session, the teachers asked Enchong and the rest of the students to raise up their cross before they could pray. But Enchong interrupted and asked a beautiful question and said, “Teacher, diba dapat yung cross dito sa heart?”

Another student came in and her name is Anika Loraine. Anika or Ikay for short. She is a 4 year old sweet and vibrant little girl. The teacher used to have a weekly moment with this child. The little girl would love to be cuddled by the teacher and she at times would catch a sleep in the arms of the teacher. Until one Sunday afternoon, Anika asked for the teacher’s attention. She wanted to be cuddled once again and she raised her arms as an indication for her desire. The teacher asked her to step backward for the girl is in a dangerous spot where wiring and cables are attached. But before the teacher finished her statement, Anika took her step and the girl accidentally step into a wire(alambre). The wire went pass on the girl’s little feet. Then few minutes later, came out a loud cry from the girl saying, “Ang sakit sakit.” On their way to the hospital as the teacher was holding on Anika, she gave her a reminder saying, “Oh Anika, mula ngayon dapat hindi ka na mag papaa huh.” The girl silently contemplated on the teacher’s advice and responded with her wild question in return, “Teacher, ibig sabihin kahit na nag ssleep na ako naka slippers pa din ako?”

One more Sunday came another child. She is quite different than the others. She is not as vibrant as the other kids are. Rather, she would always sit on her assigned chair and silently took a glance to the rest of her classmates. She is always wearing a cap and a mask when she came. Her name is Maryll. She was diagnosed of leaukemia when she was 1 year and 9 months. The little girl is 5 years old when the teacher met her. When she asked the child one sunday of how many chemo she still have to take. She would raise up her hands so she could show the teacher. Then one Sunday she showed up, there was mark of burn on her neck. The little girl gone through a tremendous treatment to fight the cancer cells in her body. Her hair had also fallen off as a part of the treatment. And she went in front one Sunday to say, “Thank you Jesus, la na ubo ko.” She amazed the crowd even more because in spite of her situation, the girl would always come in front along with the other kids as she declare healing on her body as she used to say, “Thank you Jesus galing na ako.” The teacher loves Maryll so much that this little child caused tears to fall in her eyes every time she appeared in Sunday School. She is a living encouragement to never give up the fight. For one day who knows, she will finally be fine just like the other girls are.

Each of these kids left a story and a beautiful memory to the teacher. So beautiful that she come to write it all today. So she could have something to look back one day. They had been the reason of her smiles and some of those tears in her eyes. And in each of those Sundays that passed, she is grateful for being a part of this ministry. And you know why I can vividly share with you the history? Simply, because I am the writer and the teacher behind this story.

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What kind of LEADER do we really NEED?

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What kind of leader do we really need? This question pop into my mind one afternoon after couple of weeks investigating about the fallen SAF troopers and I ended up with this conclusion thereafter.

The current administration had been in active pursuit of running after corrupt government officials exposing how they had taken bribes and how they kept money for their own good which should have been spent for the benefit of the whole Filipino people. I myself is against these acts as a taxpayer knowing that after tax is immediately deducted in my monthly payslip i would come to know that someone else is using it for their own personal profit even worst millions of peso and properties are kept under each of their names while thousands of Filipinos in every part of the country is shouting for an aide against poverty. The current admistration had been boasting that they cannot be stained of any issue of graft and corruption unlike any other individual under the line of politics but more than this i believed that we need a leader who has a heart for his own people. A leader who with great passion desires to protect his own people. Allow me to fully explain myself after giving you my own observation on the following accounts of event.

History left its own mark for the 12 hours Quirino hostage taking of Hongkong Nationals in Manila last 2010 of that police officer Mendoza who expressed his grievances in such unruly form. But news revealed that Hongkong President made several attempts to call the President of the Philippines but calls were left unanswered in that long hours of negotiations between the hostage taker. Afterwhich reports also revealed that the President took its stand not to apologize on the death of Hongkong  nationals that happened in within the boundaries of our country. When I look back on this case, this could have given us an inkling thought of another dreadful event that shaken our country years after this event. That is the Mamasapano clash between SAF and the combined forces of MILF and BIFF. This encounter ended up on the death of 44 Saf trooper’s leaving behind their families in such enormous grief. In my own investigation and observation after which timeline of the event had been made available to the public, I would say the the President had became so complacent of his role being the Commander in Chief during the actual operation of Oplan Exodus. SAF troopers had successfully killed one of the main target Marwan before the dawn of January 25 and a request for reinforcement had been conveyed as early as 6:00 in the morning but going through details of the timeline, SAF troopers made 3 attempts to request for reinforcement  till noon of January of 25. A report from the Manila times as I have also read revealed that the President is aware of the entire scenario that when a group of soldiers are now ready to back up as reinforcement they were commanded to Back down instead. According to the report, the president said “Negative, negative Back down.” I may not understand how the military protocol on events like this but i knew in my own line of work when issues and events are requiring my immediate attention. I was taught when to immediately respond to emails tagged with High importance. I was asking what should have been done so as to save the lives of these 44 courageous men. Knowing that it was a clandestine operation and the president also broke the chain of command as he brought a suspended official as part of the play, he could have figured out that his men is in dire need of help as the clash lasted for 10-12 hours based on reports. Former President Ramos said that an immediate response to support SAF is very much possible considering the advancement of technology we all have for today, but then what we all hope to have been done was never been done. Instead lives were lost and their children were left fatherless since that very day. My heart blead for that SAF trooper who still took a glimpse of the picture of his daughter before he could take his last breath. The thought that his child will grew fatherless I guess is the most heart breaking for him at that moment. Fallen SAF troopers from Samar Joseph Sagonoy, Rodel Ramacula and Mark Clemencio are all bread winner. Mother of Rodel Ramacula couldn’t hide her grief when news broke out to her that his son died. When  I was watching the report for the 3 Fallen SAF from Samar, my heart bleeds upon learning the kind of life they were living and even worse by now, they lost a love one who had been a provider to the family. These are just few of the story of the rest of the fallen SAF troopers and their lives and what they have done for the country would leave an indelible mark in the hearts of every Filipino. But this is not just the end of how i strongly condemned the acts of the present administration on the fate of the fallen SAF troopers. Because the President chose to attend the inauguration of the Mitsubishi Motors instead of attending the arrival of honors for the Fallen44. This drawn numerous flak from netizens and im voicing out the same thing. Because for me this is an obvious act of lambasting the efforts of his own people. 44 lives are lost simply because of unresponsive act and yet a supposed gesture to honor his own men was not even conveyed. The arrival of honors could not be part of his agenda for nobody could forsee and anticipate the death of these 44 people but for me we show honor to people when we set them as our priority. Even worse history repeats it ownself because we never heard an apology on the fate of the heroes we all have today. Instead in one of his speach he mentioned that it will be the last time that the issue for fallen44 will be discussed, then again an evident act that the efforts of these SAF troopers are taken for granted.

I would also relate this to the fate of dismissed Cadet Aldrin Jeff Cudia and alleged drug smuger Mary Jane Veloso. Cadet Cudia has been dismissed from the Academy few months before he graduate because of the accused issue of lying. The young man stood his ground to prove his innocence as he made appeals both to the academy as well as to the President but both denied his claim for him to be acquitted. As I look into his case, the conflicting interest could have alarmed them in reversing their decision. For in a certain interview I watched hosted by Winnie Monsod, Cudia’s elder sister said that the investigating panel is the one next in line once Cudia is oust in the Academy. I was taught back in College that Conflicting Interest posed a major Audit finding. I guess even those who are not in Audit should clearly recognized certain situation and the same should be properly considered as a red light in making conclusions and coming up with a decision. Moreover, there was also a claim that Cadet Lagura was chambered so he could change his vote from not guilty to guilty. The plea of Cadet Cudia’s Father was disregarded when the President didn’t issue a resolution hindering the mentioned cadet to join the graduation leaving him then of the chance to serve his own nation as a soldier. His efforts of joining the academy for 4 years seemed to be all in vain and the President closes his own ear of repeated plea of a young man who wanted nothing more but to serve his country. Mary Jane Veloso’s story also captured the heart of most of the Filipino’s today. A mother of two who wanted nothing more but to give his chidren a brigther future is now behind bars of being caught to have smuggled drugs in Indonesia. He had been sentenced for death penalty and was miraculously save from the brim of death last February 28. Mother of Mary Jane Veloso might appeared to be ungrateful that instead of thanking the President she lambasted the Administration that they should not take the glory of the reason Mary Jane was saved. Mrs. Veloso might have her own basis why. We could all say that a simple thank you will do but how can they also explain the last minute ditch in responding to Mary jane’s plea. Im not saying that I agree with Mrs Celia’s ungrateful acts but could this also be another unresponsive acts from the President and a last minute recourse is attempting to hide the truth.

As I would like to say it again, we need a righteous leader but we also need a merciful one. We need a leader who listens and always ready to understand not somebody who keeps on washing his hand.

The Water turned into Wine

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The title itself might be too familiar to you. And you already have the whole plot of story in your mind by mere reading the title. And I must say yes, this is the first miracle made by Jesus during the onset of His ministry. So familiar that even this scripture is being quoted in persuading us to join a drinking spree. But more than the miracle of which we are so familiar about, allow me to take the other side of the story that maybe after reading this we would come to appreciate Jesus more.

The miracle was prompted when the wine supply run out in the midst of the festivities. In the Jewish culture if this would happen, it would mean a great humiliation on the part of the groom and his entire family. Maybe that would mean them leaving the town just to escape the greatest scandal of their life. But we all knew how the story ended, Jesus came to rescue turning those six stone of water jars into one of the best wine in that time. But all of these things were unknown to the groom. While the groom was enjoying his wedding, while he was on the best moment of his life, he didn’t know that he is one step closer to his disgrace. But all because of Jesus he had been saved from that.

And his story might also be our story. How many times have we ever wondered that we are being saved from a major mistake that before it could turn into a mountain of problem, He already stepped in and took the burden out of our shoulders. How many times have we tried to be aware of that? And we might be like that groom. The bible had been silent about his response. I’ve been looking for an account in the bible that he came back to thank Jesus for the kindness shown to him. And sadly, there was none.

How many times we unknowingly became ungrateful to the God of the universe who made a touch of miracle in our lives. That instead of being thankful we resorted to complaining? How many times we complain of being late because of traffic not knowing of a great danger if we came on time? How many times we complain for a failed application not knowing we are being saved from a mean boss? How many times we complain about the little and the big things alike? We tend to be so generous with our complaints but so stingy with our thanks. And that we even more fail to consider that at times the Heaven took its part of the play, so we could just enjoy and go on with our day.

Birthday Tricks

I love surprises and for a couple of times I had also been a recipient of such. It all started when I sow the same thing with my family and friends. I ended up earning the same thing years later. Most of the people knew that I had always been the mastermind in those drama’s and set ups I arranged during their birthday.

Let me walk you the first one that I made. That was a movie clip of the poem that I made “A Father like No Other” (a copy of this poem is shared on this blog). I intend to make it so my father would allow me to attend a youth convention which happens to fall on a December 27-30. My father is so strict that asking for permission to leave and go somewhere else whenever he is home is such a big NO. But I proceeded with my plan. Aside from this, one major reason was that I wanted to tell my dad how I had been feeling for years. I wasn’t aware that I had been harboring a pain and an anger for years. I just remember he shouted at me once and that cause me to have a distant feeling since then. And maybe since I was turning into a teen, changes like this happened. But im specifically saddened by the thought that maybe he hate me, that he no longer love me and I am no longer the apple of his eye. A part of me is saying, papa listen to what my heart is saying. I guess the message went out well and he permitted me to go in the end. With additional pocket money. And that is a big plus!

Secondly, I prepare another movie clip for my mother during her 53rd birthday celebration. We drop to our relatives in Nueva Ecija and there I gather all their messages while I artistically arranged it in the movie that I made. Adding up those dramatic lines coming from the bottom of my heart which my aunts especially my mom truly appreciate. She was in tears while watching the whole course of the movie clip.

And every year I craft a new plan to surprise them and it feels like my drum is running out of surprises. Maybe because the level of expectation seemed to elevate one year after another. And Im receiving a warning from my sister Carol to plan out a good surprise for her. She was asking me to exceed the ninja mode days she and Carla did during my birthday when they suddenly appeared in Kenny Rogers at Glorietta 3 with a banner displaying the words “Happy Birthday Ate Che”, with a chocolate cake and a starbucks drink. Carol was in tears while telling me the words “Diba Ate promise ko sayo bibilan kita ng Starbucks pag nagka trabaho na ako?” then she and carla proceeded on singing the song “I’ll be there”. So sweet right? And anybody could never help herself to shed a tear. That’s what I saw, my officemates and friends were crying while the two continued on singing.

Tomorrow will be Carol’s 22nd Birthday. And she threaten me to exceed her efforts during my birthday. hahaha. Im pressured, I’ve been asking the Lord to help me think of a nice plan. I knew that Carol is expecting something good for this year. When she was 17 years old, I crafted a plan that binded the two of us. We didn’t grew up close and I took that as an opportunity to win her heart. I asked few of her friends to conspire with their PE teacher not to end the class until I finally arrived. She was becoming impatient during that time because we had a scheduled dinner with one of our cousin. And this kulot sister of mine was crying when I approached the gym with a cake on my hand while her friend Diane was holding the banner that I made. When she turned 18, I knew my sister was asking for a debut but papa can’t afford it. Neither I had the chance to have my own debut. Then I set up my own plan. I thought to myself, I will make a simple debut party for her. So the plan goes this way. I will be asking our previous boardmates and her college friends to come over in joining us to celebrate. But this is a top secret. Nobody is allowed to tell Carol of the plan. I asked Stella her close friend and also our boardmate to bring her somewhere else while I was preparing all the food for the celebration. And when everything is set and done she came home with a shocking and teary eyes when everybody shouted a happy Happy birthday. She had her 18 dances as well using a plastic display flower for the rest of the guys. (that’s the only thing we have during that time). And Its good that we had a dress stored for her in the apartment and I let her dress. She hugged me tight when we were up stairs while uttering the words, “Thank you ate.” Her 20th birthday seemed to be a chapter 2 of her 18th birthday. Since we only use a plastic display flower during the entire 18th dance. That is now the theme of her 20th birthday. I planned that Carol should receive a total of 20 roses at the end of the day. The first 3 roses came from Me, Mama and Carla and the rest of the roses are given to her by her teacher and friends. We tied a message in each of those flowers so it will be more sentimental. Again she ended up the day with a teary eye and she rejoice over with singing as she took pictures with her classmates and friends.

And at 11 am December 28,2014 (on the same day Carol is celebrating her birthday), my prayer got answered when the thought of giving her 22 little things popped up in my mind. Those 22 little things are Violin, keyboard, Dolphin, Cake, Rose, Banner, Picture, Ballet Shoes, Spaghetti, Buko Pandan, Ice Cream, Balloons, Grapes, Ice cream cone, Selfie, Letter from Mama, Letter from Ate Che, Letter from Carla, Huggss, Kisses, Prayer and Love. You might be saying oh for the first two, too costly you might say. But these are still pictures for the meantime and i hope Kuya Penguin and I will give her in the future. 22 little yet priceless things for my dear little sister. Cheering her up and giving her the joy that she deserves as a woman. Im happy to light up a smile in her face everytime im doing this. It made me even more realized what while we are sowing in their lives we are the same way preparing to receive the same on day.

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